The only thing worse than actually having depression is watching a loved one struggle with it. In our last post on teenage depression, we addressed some of the symptoms of depression, which include:

1. Sadness

2. Loss of interest in usual activities

3. Changes in appetite

4. Slow speech or actions

5. Fatigue

6. Guilt or worthlessness

7. Difficulty thinking

8. Thoughts of death

For more discussion of these symptoms, please see our previous post.

Given such a long and, let’s be honest, depressing list of symptoms, it can be overwhelming for caretakers to know what to do when their loved one is depressed. Here are a few things we would recommend.

Help Your Loved One Get Treatment

Depression saps motivation and hope. Your loved one desperately needs to see a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist as well, but when you suggest this they will probably dismiss professional help because they don’t believe anything will actually work.

Make seeking help as easy as possible. This may include helping them make an initial phone call and driving them to an appointment. Depression can have physical symptoms like fatigue, so offering to do some of the leg work can make a big difference.

You can also help your loved one make space for self care activities. For example, your loved one would probably benefit from regular exercise. Even after the depressive crisis is over, it’s important to keep up an exercise routine. If your loved one is struggling to do this, offer to take over laundry or making dinner for a few days so they feel free to take care of themselves.

Be a Normalizing Presence

You may feel afraid to be around your loved one, especially if they have expressed suicidal thoughts. This is a perfectly normal way to feel. You love this person, and it’s scary to think that they are suffering and might do irreversible harm to themselves.

The important thing in this situation is to stay calm and stay with your loved one. You don’t need to talk about the depression the whole time you are together—you don’t even need to make it better. You may want to watch a movie together or go for a walk without even talking. The important thing is to make sure your loved one knows that someone is there for them unconditionally.

If your loved one is suicidal and you don’t feel equipped to handle the situation, you can call 911 and ask for PERT (Psychiatric Emergency Response Team) or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255. Do not leave your suicidal loved one alone or dismiss their symptoms!

Help Your Loved One Be “Gentle with Self”

Depressed people can be really hard on themselves! Guilt and feelings of worthlessness are a very common symptom of depression. The depression distorts your loved one’s thoughts, so they may have a very harsh view of themselves that is not grounded in reality.

You can counter this thinking in a few ways. Perhaps most importantly, don’t blame your loved one and remind them that they are battling a true disease. No one chooses depression any more than cancer, so there’s no reason for them to beat themselves up over it.

In a previous post we wrote about GRAPES as a tool for coping with depression. This post included several ways to be “Gentle with Self,” which can be as simple as giving yourself permission to feel your feelings. It’s okay to be sad and to struggle. Reminding your loved one of this can go a long way toward relieving the immediate pain of depression.

Contact Us for More Information

These are just a few ways you can support your loved one when they are depressed. As you can see, providing support doesn’t require a PhD in psychology. You just need to be available and emotionally present.

If your loved one needs a therapist, feel free to contact us at (760) 283-7000 to set up an initial appointment. We can also work with you personally if you are struggling to know how to support your loved one and take care of your own mental health at the same time.