I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve seen more than one Hallmark Christmas movie in my life. While my theatrical tastes tend toward Marvel and Wes Anderson, Hallmark is always a winner with my grandma.

Hallmark movies present a saccharine version of the holidays, complete with snow, marriage proposals, and over-the-top gifts between characters who are too good to be true.

Yes, there is conflict and some level of character development. But in the end, the plot is wrapped up as nicely as a Harry and David’s gift basket under the tree on Christmas morning.

If only holidays felt this simple in real life!

When Holidays are Complicated

I have many special memories of the holidays with my family, including Christmas mornings around the fireplace at my childhood home, a tradition that continues to this day. I grin watching my nieces and nephew wake up to stockings brimming with candy and toys, remembering how Christmas felt as a kid.

But there are a lot of difficult memories as well. On Christmas Day 2017, my dad got the call that his mom had passed away just as the rest of us sat down for pie. Our extended family quickly left, while my immediate family drove to the nursing home with tears in our eyes.

Things can be even more complicated when you are dealing with a mental health issue, whether that’s a mood disorder, trauma, or addiction.

As wonderful as the holidays can be, they are also inherently stressful. There’s so much pressure to get stuff done--cooking, shopping, traveling. And family conflict often comes to a head during this season, or possibly gets swept under the rug yet again.

We find ourselves overextended and triggered. We’re caught up in thoughts and behaviors that we had previously mastered, and we wonder if we’re actually making any progress.

The good news

The good news is that you are making progress, and setbacks don’t erase all of the work you’ve done in therapy. Recovery, whether it’s from depression or addiction, is not linear, and it’s totally normal to have days or even seasons where you struggle more than others.

One of my specializations is sex addiction recovery, and one of the main authorities in this area is Dr. Patrick Carnes.

If you struggle with sex addiction, I highly recommend working through his book Facing the Shadow with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist like myself or Curtis. (You can also download it for free with Kindle unlimited if you want to browse it for yourself.)

But Dr. Carnes’ books include a lot of concepts and tools that are helpful regardless of what you’re going through. If you’re looking for something more general, A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps is another book of his that speaks to a broader audience.

The Personal Craziness Index (PCI)

One tool that I find myself sharing with clients in preparation for the holidays is the Personal Craziness Index or PCI.

The idea is that we all have certain indicators that life is “out of whack.” By identifying and monitoring these indicators, we can make adjustments earlier, before things get too overwhelming and lead to a relapse in mental illness or addiction.

As Dr. Carnes explains in A Gentle Path (p. 243):

“The Personal Craziness Index (PCI) is based on two assumptions:

1. Craziness first appears in routine, simple behaviors that support lifestyle balance.

2. Behavioral signs will occur in patterns involving different parts of our lives.

Thus, we can be caught up in issues of cosmic importance and not notice that our checking account is overdrawn. If our checking account is overdrawn, we are probably out of socks as well, because we have not done our laundry. If this pattern is pervasive, there is a risk that our lives will become emotionally bankrupt as well--cosmic issues notwithstanding.”

The idea of the PCI is to consider twelve dimensions to figure out your top 7 indicators for encroaching “craziness,” and then take an inventory of your PCI each day, so you have an objective idea of where things are at for you in terms of your inner and outer environment.

For example, your PCI might include:

• Skipping workouts more than 2 days in a row

• Not returning phone calls with 24 hours

• Engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors toward your spouse

• Not paying all your bills on time

• Missing church

• Watching TV for more than an hour at night

• Turning down invitations to social events that would normally be really fun

The PCI is highly personal. For some people, skipping workouts may not be a big deal. But for you, it might be an indication that you are not taking care of yourself or finding the right balance in life.

how to use the PCI

Once you’ve created your PCI, check in with yourself every day. Did you forget to pay a bill? Did you miss church? Dr. Carnes has you literally score yourself daily and then come up with an overall score for the week. It’s not supposed to be a form of self judgment, but a form of self awareness.

By tracking the PCI over time, or during times of greater vulnerability of relapse like the holidays, you can stay focused on the core behaviors you need for mental health, while also setting up an “alert system.”

If your PCI is high, you might need to shuffle your priorities, reach out to a friend or sponsor for support, or cut back on commitments. You’re also at higher risk of relapse, and should be mindful of other triggers, symptoms, and problematic behaviors.

The PCI is particularly helpful during the holidays because it gives you a simple list of self care items to keep up on even when things get busy.

The Oceanside Turkey Trot notwithstanding, it’s really hard to squeeze in workouts with all of the time constraints of the holidays. However, I have clients who know that the best thing they can do for their mental health is exercise every day.

Rather than skipping workouts because they have a work party or a family gathering, these clients make adjustments to ensure that their self care activities still happen. This might mean bringing a store bought pie to Thanksgiving rather than a homemade one, or spending less time watching TV.

Tools for Success

It’s okay if the holidays fill you with equal parts joy and anxiety. This season is not easy, especially if you have a history of mental health struggles. This is the time to dig out the tools that have served you well in the past, and perhaps try some new ones.

If you think the PCI would be helpful, Dr. Carnes’ books will walk you through the process in more detail, as can most of the therapists at Integrity Counseling Group. More than half of us have been trained as Certified or Associate Sex Addiction Therapists using Dr. Carnes’ approach, so the PCI is something we use frequently with clients and even in our own lives.

I do recommend being proactive during this time. So even if you’re doing great today, have some resources on hand if things unexpectedly get tough. And please, feel free to reach out to us at (760) 283-7000 if we can be of service to you and your family.