What Is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction is a fairly controversial concept, even in the mental health community. That’s because there is a lack of consensus about what “normal” sexuality looks like. Each person sees and experiences sexuality differently.

Healthy sex brings a sense of fulfillment and connection. But sometimes sex goes from healthy to problematic. The therapists at Integrity Counseling Group recognize that unhealthy sexuality can cause a lot of confusion, pain, and heartache.

We want to help you and your partner strengthen your connection, wherever you’re at in your relationship. After all, that’s the beauty of therapy. It’s always tailored to the client’s needs and particular situation.

Out-of-control sexual behavior can cause damage. But what exactly is sex addiction? What makes something an addiction versus a habit? Is sex addiction even a real disorder? We answer some of your questions. Keep reading to understand more about sex addiction.

What Makes Something an Addiction

From food to social media, addiction can take a variety of forms. Sometimes positive things in our lives can become addictive, even necessary things like food. The difference is that with addiction, the activity becomes “compulsive” (meaning you feel you just have to do it) and even harmful. Addiction can be a source of comfort in the short term, but ultimately it causes you some sort of pain. Another main criteria is if you are doing the behavior in spite of knowing the consequences.

For example, many people can drink and still function in a healthy way. The same can be said about sex. Many people have healthy sex lives and relationships. We usually start to see problems arise when something becomes an addiction. In the case of alcoholism, drinking causes major issues like relationship strain, job loss, or legal consequences for drunk driving.

Even when someone who’s addicted to alcohol tries to stop on their own, long-term sobriety is a difficult, life-long path. When it comes to alcohol addiction, a skilled addiction therapist can help find the road to recovery.

Why Sex Addiction Can Be a Real Disorder

Sex addiction is very similar to alcoholism. Sex can be a healthy part of life. But for some people, it becomes problematic. They do things they know will have negative consequences. They don’t necessarily want these consequences in their lives, but they just can’t stop. That’s the compulsive feeling we mentioned earlier.

Maybe they are looking at pornography at work instead of getting their job done. Maybe they have had multiple affairs and their partner is threatening to leave them. Maybe they can’t become aroused with their partner anymore. Maybe they’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on sex. There are a lot of different ways sex can get out of control and cause damage.

As with alcohol, the person struggling with sex addiction may want to stop. They may even be able to stop for a period of time. But ultimately the brain becomes hardwired for reward and pleasure and goes back to the sexual comfort it knows so well. In many cases, the partner of a person addicted to sex suffer just as much as as the person who is addicted to sex.

The Root Cause of Addiction

Whether we’re talking about sex, alcohol, food, or drugs, the addiction cycle is very similar. Most of the clients we see experienced childhood trauma, like emotional or psychological abuse and sometimes sexual abuse. If you’re caught in addiction, you likely feel intense pain due to this trauma, and you use your addictive substance to numb the pain.

It’s true that things like pornography or masturbation temporarily numb the pain, since the brain releases endorphins during orgasm. But once that passes, you’re left with the original pain and that self-loathing feeling known as shame. The shame itself is a form of pain, so now you need to act out again in order to escape the loathing, if only for a moment. It’s a vicious cycle that repeats over and over until the trauma or other root pain can be dealt with and the shame can be reduced.

How Therapy Can Help Sex Addiction

The focus of sex addiction therapy is two-fold: 1) learning tools and techniques to resist the desire to act out, and 2) healing the root of your pain and shame. Most of the therapists at Integrity Counseling Group are Certified Sexual Addiction Therapists (CSATs) under IITAP, an organization founded by Dr. Patrick Carnes, the leading expert in treating sex addiction.

Our task-based approach takes you step-by-step through healing the pain, trauma, and shame. It also educates you about the neuroscience of addiction, so you can observe your emotions (and the entire addiction cycle) from the outside instead of getting caught up in it. This outsider perspective helps give you the opportunity to make different choices when faced with triggers.

Ready to ask for help? Contact us today. Please call (760) 283-7000.