5 Challenges Teens Face Everyday and How You Can Help

Adolescence isn’t easy—for parents or their teens!

While you can’t avoid the ups and downs of adolescence entirely, there are things you can do to make the transition to adulthood less chaotic.

The suggestions below are a great way to support your teen and grow your connection even as they become more independent. I’ve also included links to two videos that relate to this topic.

I shared the video on vulnerability with the teen support group I lead. We had a great conversation after, so I encourage you to watch this one with your teen if you can!

Adolescence makes the brain vulnerable to depression

The hormones that cause teenagers to develop beards, breasts, and blackheads also affect the brain.

If you’ve ever wondered why teenagers can suddenly process more abstract or complex information, it’s because their brains are undergoing a dramatic transition from childhood to adulthood that may last into their early 20s.

Because their brains are so changeable at this age, a major event that occurs in adolescence will have a much bigger (and more long term) impact than if that same event occurred in adulthood.

This is one of the reasons so many people first experience depression as teenagers–and why the mental impact can last for decades after. Trauma in adolescence can rewire the nervous system (including the brain) to expect negative outcomes from life at a time when the brain is particularly impressionable.

Watch: Teen Brains Are Not Broken

How You Can Help:

Recognize that the teen in your life is going through profound mental changes, even if they aren’t as noticeable as the physical changes of adolescence!

Give your teen lots of grace, and work on developing a “coping toolbox” early on. This might include open lines of communication with one or more adults, hobbies they love that make them feel good, or a safe space to process their experiences.

Teens doubt they are worthy of love and connection

So this is actually not just a teen struggle. To some extent, we all experience self doubt and shame. Adults are usually just a lot better at hiding it.

But what makes this particularly difficult for teens is that they are still figuring out “who they are.” And there’s a risk that they may be rejected by others as they explore different identities and settle into their adult self.

If this sounds a little “woo,” know that there is good science to back it up! (See the section below on seeking independence.)

Watch: The Power of Vulnerability

How You Can Help:

Your teen needs you to model vulnerability and self compassion now more than ever! When you accept yourself–flaws and all–you show your teen (and those around you) that every person is worthy of love and connection in spite of their imperfections.

If this is something you struggle with personally, watching the video above (with or without your teen) is a great start. Therapy is another option to explore why you are so hard on yourself and move toward greater self acceptance.

Teens are hardwired to seek independence

Earlier in this article we talked about the teenage brain going through a lot of changes. It’s probably no surprise that one of the “symptoms” of this is teenage rebellion.

But did you know that even animals take part in unusual, dramatic, extreme, and risky behaviors in adolescence, often under the influence of their peers?

There are a lot of theories about why adolescence is synonymous with rebellion. One possibility is that developmentally teenagers need to explore the world and its risks, while still having the safety net of a family to come back to.

Teens are also developing strong social relationships outside of the family in preparation for “leaving the nest.” This is why your teen probably puts their best friend’s opinion above your own!

Read: Animal Adolescence Is Filled with Teen Drama and Peer Pressure

How You Can Help:

First, breathe. Your teen’s bid for independence is a perfectly normal–and even necessary–part of them maturing into an adult.

But if you do want to minimize the shock waves through your family, one of the best ways is to form a close bond with your kid.

Girls who have a secure relationship with their parents from birth tend to reach sexual maturity at an older age (study here). And teens who have a close connection to their parents tend to go through puberty with less risky behavior, less mental illness, and better social skills (study here).

Trust and communication may seem impossible during the teen years, but the therapists at Integrity Counseling Group, including myself, are passionate about helping families build connection wherever they are at in the journey.