How to talk to your teen about starting therapy
Saying yes to therapy is one of the most courageous steps one can take for one’s personal health. However, convincing a teen or young adult that they could benefit from therapy can feel like hiking Mt. Everest with no training! Here are some guidelines for navigating those conversations with your teen:
1. Take your teen’s perspective
The teenage years is a crucial time of developing one’s self-identity. Your teen is in an intense period of defining their own values, beliefs, and place in the world, and so it’s important that they feel personally motivated to explore therapy. As a parent, you will have your own perspective around your teen’s struggles and needs, and likely some big feelings too! Try tuning in to their desires, goals, and perspectives, so that you can help them see therapy as a way of strengthening their selfhood, rather than compromising it.
2. Validate their resistance
Seeking help can feel scary and vulnerable, so be open when your teen shows resistance. It can of course be distressing to watch your teen resist help, but trust that it is a part of the process, and that giving them space to voice their resistance may help alleviate the underlying fears and concerns.
Every great athlete has resistance training because it cultivates strength and endurance. By meeting your teen’s resistance with empathy and curiosity, you are helping them sit with it too, and build their emotional muscle.
Stay genuinely curious and help them explore what the resistance is communicating. Perhaps it’s fear they will be judged in sessions? Or they’re not quite sure what to expect of therapy? Maybe they’re skeptical or anxious to talk to a complete stranger? This is a great opportunity for you to validate the feelings that lie beneath the resistance, and to relieve any concerns they may have.
3. Share with them what therapy is
As humans, we all want to be deeply seen, heard and understood. This is particularly true for teens! Once you’ve acknowledged their personal fears and motivations, you can explain how therapy can help them feel more of what they desire - be it more calm, more confidence, or just a safe space to express themselves fully.
Your teen may have some preconceived notions about therapy. They may see it as another adult telling them their business, or that they’re a ‘problem’ that needs to be ‘fixed’. Assure them that a healthy therapeutic relationship is based on trust, respect, and becoming more of ourselves. Therapy can help us overcome trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns. It can also equip us with practical tools and perspectives that help us live more colorful and authentic lives.
If you yourself have experienced the benefits of therapy, it may help your teen to hear about it, both to normalize the ups and downs of the human experience, and to see therapy as a gift rather than a grind.
4. Give your teen ownership
While offering healthy parental guidance, it’s important that your teen feels a sense of choice and autonomy, especially as trust and rapport are such crucial components of the therapeutic relationship. Ask them what they’re looking for in a therapist or counselor, and give them space to do their own research. You might come up with some suggested providers based on their preferred approach, profile and personality, and ask them to choose the therapist they feel most drawn to. Let them know that they can always choose a different therapist if they’re not feeling completely comfortable. The more ownership they have, the more they will gain from therapy.
Meet our teen therapists
If you need more guidance on choosing the right therapist or speaking with your teenager about therapy, our intake specialist, Katheryne, has years of experience in this area and would love to help! Just get in touch.
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We know how challenging parenting can be. The better we take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of our children. If you need support navigating your parenting journey, or any other aspect of our life, we’re here for you too!
